Necessary Wounding
I've been spending time reading books about the architecture of the male psyche, including work from brilliant writers like James Hollis, James Hillman, and Robert Johnson. I've began sharing these works with close men in my life. Men who I particularly admire and seek to deeper emulate and collaborate with.
Here are some recent insights these men have passed down to me... Hollis shares that the highly modernized and coveted "Initiatory" experience, the one that psychologically transfers a boy into manhood, is one in which Wounding is necessary.
Wounding. Sacrifice of flesh. I think of the scars I've seen on men going into inipi. The reverence and respect it inspires in me, when the men put hooks in their chests for sun dance. This symbolic act, the intentional invitation of pain releases a boy from the umbilical of the mother. He is now to stand on his own feet, find the "world naval" as Campbell speaks of...or the resource from himself, from his center, and enter the world of his tribal fathers. If the Myth is properly experienced, there will be a wound AND a blessing. I adore this idea, particularly the notion that you do not get the riches of the psyche, you do not get the spoils of strength and independence psychologically without a severance, a wound. That this wound is apart of the Architecture, This wound is our birth right! Not something that needs to be healed.
Now, I share this because in my own initiatory process, and those of the men I have mentioned...We have all shared a sense of gratitude, of liberation, dare I say a tenderness and LOVE for having this umbilical cut. What a gift to be shown our strength and how capable we are to stand in our own connection to life source. Now, I share this also because I have noticed, listened to, heard, so much of this modern male spiritual-esque discussion around being softer. Around softening men's hearts, around integrating the feminine, around men not living from their hearts. The timeless trope of the emotionally unavailable man. Now, I am all for being emotionally expressed, if y'all haven't noticed I am a poet and a pisces, I am a hella emotional man, thank god.
and
This push for softening, is a substitute for the ritual umbilical cutting, it is a desire to stay with the mother. A desire to worship the mother, and If I may...
I believe this results in the opposite desired effect. Resulting in an expectation on mothers, lovers, and women in general that is a massive projection of expectations, needs, and often rage. "I need you to love me, as I will not, and cannot, do this for myself."
I hear the answer to this is to be soft with oneself. Today I would like to posture, the truth in this cry, boys cannot love themselves without their mother's help. But what the inner man craves for embodiment is not softness, it is the archetypal passage into the arms of their tribal fathers. That is the love that is needed. Liberation into this archetypal energy will lead men into their hearts organically. This will lead us to Self Mastery and men who can be trusted. Liberation will lead us to connection to our instinctual and supple body. This mastery and connection will lead us to a life of service to others, out of our neurotic self serving desire for the womb. And the violent Anima projection of Mother on to women.
-Humbly