Spiritual Bypassing

A term first coined by psychologist John Welwood in 1984, spiritual bypassing is the use of spiritual practices and belief systems to avoid dealing with pain, unresolved wounds, developmental needs, and, most of all, the human condition. It has become increasingly self evident that spirituality is now somewhat in vogue here in western society, and consequently the “spiritual” culture in the west has fallen victim to all of the same collective cultural conditions, neurotic trends, and dysfunctions as any other subculture in America. This infection is particularly contradictory, considering the context of spirituality and its values/practices. This apparent hypocrisy will, I believe, help us identify more easily when we ourselves are falling victim to its influence, and provide a bit of levity and humor about its presence. Whether it’s Youtube "gurus," western self-proclaimed "medicine men/women," or the constant circulation of spiritual memes being digested and "liked" at an alarming rate, spiritual bypassing is the coronavirus of the spiritual psyche, a virus I've had many experiences with and feel a great deal of passion about addressing.     

Positivity Cultists

I'd like to first address the rash of new-age positivity I have found to be most unhelpful on our path to spiritual liberation. Sure, being positive is a helpful tool to have when re-framing negative thought patterns and an unhealthy evaluative framework, but not when this positivity becomes an allergy to anything not "love and light,”or is in the service of turning a blind eye to our doubts, fears, and deeper emotions. I find that purveyors of this radical positivity tend to proclaim their perspective in service of "manifestation" or "protecting their energy" when in reality there is an unconscious (or conscious) repression and oppression of the full spectrum of human experience. This repression not only cuts us off from authentically relating to others, but cuts us off from authentically relating to ourselves, our wounds, and the potential of true healing. Living a spiritual life does not mean we must shy away from our humanness, our anger, our sexual impulses, or our sadness. It means we must embrace the curriculum. We must sit with ourselves, not on ourselves. It means we must learn to love what it means to be a human being in all of its imperfection, and sometimes that means sitting with all of the emotions we may wish to avoid altogether. The deeper we can embrace and relate to ourselves, the deeper we can connect with and embrace others. When we can hold space for ourselves, we witness the flowering of our authentic selves which have been stifled by judgment and the expectation of perfection and superficial positivity. Only then will we have the tools to be able to give this gift to others, a gift that allows true healing to take place. This unhealthy and unrealistic attachment to and expectation of positivity is no different from alienating perfectionism, and neither is helpful on our path to living a life in alignment with our personal/spiritual values. Spiritual teachers and those coming out of psychedelic journeys often proclaim the profound truth of non-duality, yet we find ourselves stuck in a paradigm of labeling "negative" and "positive" emotion...how does that work? What does it mean to actually, not superficially, embrace spiritual values/ideals such as non-duality? I'm not exactly Thich Nhat Hanh, but I think we can start with allowing ourselves the full spectrum of emotion without judgment and shame. We can allow ourselves to feel anger, to weep deeply, to further explore our primal body, to accept our raw, unfiltered human expression. In summary, if there are any spiritual bypassing representatives to avoid, it would be the positivism cultists you find on your Youtube feed or favorite ayahuasca sub.     

Manifesting Ego

I find manifestation a fascinating idea. Thinkers like Joe Dispenza have written compelling books on reprogramming neural networks, connecting to the collective psyche, and ultimately “manifesting” a reality more in alignment with the true self. After reading his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, and following the protocol, it became apparent to me not only that manifestation was real, but that it is not at all what most of the new-age community believes it to be. Joe's practice includes hour-long meditations, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, behavior change, and deepening self-awareness. All of the things without the spiritual garb, may as well be considered metaphysical psychotherapy. In the hands of spiritual by-passers and new-age occultists, the idea of manifestation opens a portal of escapism and avoidance, a narcissistic expectation of the world happening for us, a lack of personal responsibility, and most of all a lack of acceptance, humility, and appreciation for where we are here and now. This paradigm offers a promise from the universe to hand-deliver whatever you desire in exchange for positive thoughts and aspirations. This is a perfect example of not only using spiritual practice to bypass the work, but also completely misses the point of the spiritual impulse. “What is the spiritual path if it does not offer me everything I want in the material world and meet my ego desires? The path, the path to what?” The spiritual path is the path to liberation, not a superficial break, but true liberation from our resistance to life. It is a path to a full acceptance of what is always here and now. A liberation from our attachments, to "good" and "bad,” to our stories, a liberation in which the poetry of life and its waves become an overwhelming masterpiece, a deeply felt awareness of our humility, an understanding not intellectually, but within our cells, that we are both a drop and the entire ocean, a surrendering of our “specialness” to come home to the interconnection of oneness. I have found these experiences to be much more meaningful than the desires of the ego, no matter how promising manifestation gurus may be when offering you their new, low price, divine manifestation training program. 

Bypassing and Pain  

Pain comes with life, closely accompanied by our "solutions" to it, most of which are all about getting away from it, whether through alcoholic, narcotic, erotic, intellectual, material, egotistical, or spiritual means. Our resistance to pain amplifies our suffering oddly enough. The more we try to avoid our suffering with spiritual bypassing, the darker and more tenaciously rooted it becomes. What we don't realize until we muster the courage to face the dragon of our pain, is that not only is heading in the direction of our pain a spiritual impulse, but the dragon is not blocking our path; it is an essential part of our path. When we are in the grip of spiritual bypassing we want nothing to do with the dragon, viewing it as "negativity,” "low-vibrational,” or merely a projection. Carl Jung had an idea I find incredibly useful.

“What you most deeply desire will be found where you least want to look.”

I believe this to be a deeply valuable roadmap in the journey of Self, one I always find myself coming back to. Spiritual bypassing instead offers us a shallow hull of societal promises and diseases disguised in spiritual garb. What the spiritual path actually offers us is true intimacy, true liberation, freedom, being, an appreciation for creation, and connection to the sacred heart and all its gifts. I understand the critical nature of my writing, but I aim to help illuminate a tendency we all have, the tendency to fool ourselves, to pervert our practices unconsciously like many religions do. The more aware we are of our own tendency to fall into some form of avoidance or bypass, the more clearly we can live in alignment with our values, to walk the talk. I do not write these words to discourage any practice, but merely to be keen on how often we fall victim to our own egos, to be aware of this ego sneaking in the back door. So be wary of where you get your wisdom, trust yourself and your own process, listen to your inner callings, hold yourself accountable for your healing, do not be afraid to feel your pain. Our work is not to be freed from our pain, but to be freed through our pain. 

“Whenever I  climb I am followed by a dog named Ego”

- Friedrich Nietzsche